"Till Death"


Adrian Paul (Duncan MacLeod)
Stan Kirsch (Richie Ryan)
Jim Byrnes as Joe Dawson


Peter Wingfield (Adam Pierson/Methos)
Jeremy Brudenell (Robert de Valicourt)
Cecile Pallas (Gina de Valicourt)
Roger Daltrey as Hugh Fitzcairn

Story by Beatrice Mathouret
Teleplay by Michael O'Mahony and Sasha Reins
Directed by Dennis Berry
Production No. 95420-86
Full Credits

Table of Contents:

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Chateau de Valicourt, Outside Paris, 1921

The scene opens with Gina de Valicourt lying in bed, apparently asleep. She senses an immortal, and rises as a mysterious, masked immortal bursts through the door, holding a sword.

Gina: "Who are you? What are you doing here?"

Baron : "I've come to take what's mine."

Gina takes up her sword, crying out in panic.

Baron, taunting: "Go on, scream all you want. We're all alone just you and I. No one's going to save you now."

Gina: "I don't need saving. One more step and I'll have your head."

Baron, nearly purring: "I think I'd like that."

Gina steps forward and cuts the mask from his face.

Gina: "Baron de Valicourt!"

Baron: "It was a mistake to see my face."

They fight, moving from room to room in the huge house, the Baron pursuing her relentlessly. Finally they break off and square up again.

Gina: "You'd kill a woman?"

Baron: "Actually I was thinking of a fate worse than death."

Gina: "Never! Never!!!"

Baron: "Never's a very long time."

They spar some more, and he again gets an advantage, grabbing her around the waist, holding her close to him.

Gina: "You're good, but not that good."

Baron: "No?"

He thrusts her away from him, tearing her nightgown, and they fight for a few more blows, until the Baron succeeds in disarming Gina. He grabs her again, pulling against him.

Baron: "Submit!"

Gina: "Never!"

He pushes her away and she throws herself against the wall, panting, and wating . . . [romantic music begins to play]

The Baron walks to her slowly, then they kiss passionately

Gina: "You were an animal."

Baron: "I'm the King of Beasts."

Gina: "And I'm the Queen."

They fall into bed, still kissing.

Gina, as Robert kisses her: "Robert. Robert!"

Robert, still kissing her: "Uh-huh?" He finally looks at her.

Gina: "Next time, I get to be on top."

Robert: "Anything you say, my dear."

He throws the sheet over them, and they start to giggle.

Act One Back to Top

At the barge, Methos's voice is humming a meditative syllable as Duncan MacLeod walks in, nonplused to find him there.

Duncan: "You know you could do that up on deck, the view's better."

Methos, sitting on top of Duncan's table, in a lotus position, eyes closed: "Calms the spirit, you should try it sometime."

Duncan: "What are you doing here?"

Methos, petulantly: "The place I rent's being sold." Pouts. "I hate moving."

Duncan: "Then go move into a hotel!"

Methos: "I wouldn't stay in any hotel that Adam Pierson could afford."

Duncan doesn't bother to argue anymore, and starts opening his mail.

Duncan: "Well, it's your problem if you're seen here."

Methos, watching Duncan open his mail: "Anything interesting?"

Duncan, glaring briefly: "I'll let you know." Looks at the mail. "Oh, Gina and Robert de Valincourt are getting married again."

Methos: "I thought they were married?"

Duncan: "Well they do it again every 100 years."

Methos, unfolding himself from the meditation pose (This, by the way, is the infamous "toes" scene. :)): "Madly in love, huh?"

Duncan: "Nah, gluttons for punishment."

Methos: "I was married once, you know. Well, come to think of it, I was married 67--no, 68 times."

Duncan, turning to stare at him in astonishment: "You had 68 wives?!"

Methos: "Yeah, never one of us though. That'd be too much of a commitment for me to make. You'd have to love someone a hell of a lot to be with them 300 years." Laughs. "Tough to imagine, huh?"

Duncan: "No, it's not. Not if you knew Gina. Fitzcairn and I were both madly in love with her."

Flashback, Outside Paris, 1696 Back to Top

Hugh Fitzcairn and Duncan are walking along with Gina, who's saying, "It's nothing to get upset about, Duncan."

Duncan: "Nothing? How could you make a rendezvouz with both of us? And on the same night?"

Fitz, darkly: "Especially with him."

Gina: "When two dashing gentlemen invite me to two different diversions, how could I refuse either of you? All I did was mix up the nights."

Duncan hurries up closer as they walk: "Oh, well he'll have to wait." Pushes Fitz aside. "I was first."

Fitz, edging back in front: "I'll have to wait?! I think not, sir. We have a box for the opera tonight."

Duncan: "The opera? Woch! [best I can do with the sound he makes . . .] A bunch of overdressed donkeys braying at the top of their lungs? Woch! We are dining at the Prussian Ambassador's residence."

Fitz laughs derisively: "Hours of High German passing for conversation, sauerkraut for food? Gives me gas just thinking about it."

Gina shushes them: "We've arrived."

They look up at the Chateau de Valincourt.

Duncan: "This is the Baron de Valincourt's residence."

Gina: "So they say."

Fitz: "A Baron who lives like a king, huh?"

Gina: "De Valincourt is the most notorious thief in Europe."

Duncan: "Aye, and good at it by the looks of things."

Fitz laughs again: "Huh! How good?"

Gina, laughing: "Too good. The swine embezzled 20,000 louies from me."

Fitz, incredulous: "20,000 louies . . . " He looks down at his fingers, as if to count on them. "Why, that's . . ."

Duncan, interrupting: "That's a bloody fortune."

Fitz, bowing gallantly to Gina: "Fear not, my lady. I shall soon have it back."

Duncan: "No, no, no, no, I will soon have it back."

Gina: "We will soon have it back."

Duncan glares at Fitz: "Aye." He points. "This way." He puts his hand on Gina's back, gesturing to the wall. "This way, my lady."

Fitz: "MacLeod, this way is--"

Duncan: "No, we'll go this way. This way is . . . it's much easier this way." He climbs up on the wall. "No, I can climb up here, my lady, it's no problem." He continues to climb over, providing commentary the whole way. "Look at this, I'm already up, see? I'm already up, almost over the wall."

Fitz, seeing he's been outvoted: "As you wish." He escorts Gina to the wall. "Allow me to assist you, my lady."

He helps Gina up, and as Duncan pulls her up he deliberately drops his hat on the ground.

Duncan: "Oops, Fitzcairn, could you . . .?"

Fitz retrieves the hat, and while he's distracted Duncan slips after Gina.

Fitz hissing: "MacLeod!"

Duncan, leaning back just long enough to say: "I'll get it back" He darts after Gina.

Fitz tosses the hat over his shoulder: "MacLeod, you rascal!"

He darts around, heading for the spot where Duncan got over to follow them.

Inside the Chateau, Gina, Duncan, and Fitz are creeping through the rooms, admiring the wealth on display.

Fitz, awed: "Look at all this."

Gina: "That cutthroat has been robbing the colonies for the past fifty years."

Duncan, cocky: "We'll just have to rob a little of it back, eh?"

Just then, they sense another immortal and turn as Robert comes in, sword drawn.

Robert: "Well, well, well, what have we here? Mice in the parlor. And immortal mice at that."

Fitz to Duncan: "I told you there was another way in. Didn't I tell you . . . ?"

Duncan to Fitz: "Be quiet!" He steps forward, adressing the Baron defiantly. "I'd be careful who you call a mouse, especially if I was a rat."

Robert glares, but then his eyes fall on Gina [tinkly harp music.]

Robert, ignoring the others: "If you're a thief I've never seen a comelier one."

Gina, speechless, doesn't answer, but Duncan says, "You're the thief! We're just protecting her assets."

Robert, admiringly, still staring at Gina: "And they are . . . wonderful assets."

Fitz, indignant: "If you please, sir! A gentleman does not address a lady in that manner!" He draws his sword. "I'll have his head!"

Duncan: "Ah, don't be ridiculous. You being dead would probably put her off her appetite." Pushes his sword aside. "Let me deal with this."

Fitz: "I challenged him first."

Duncan: "Aye, you call that a challenge?"

Robert, waiting patiently with his sword drawn: "Gentleman, it seems you both wish to protect the lady's honor. Unfortunately, I can only fight one of you at a time."

Fitz: "He's right. The only honorable thing to do, would be to toss a coin for it."

Duncan: "Fine, we'll toss for it."

As they bicker, Gina and Robert are still staring at one another.

Duncan, oblivious: "Go on, toss it."

Fitz, gallantly: "I'm afraid I cannot."

Duncan, exasperated: "Why not?"

Fitz, defiantly: "I haven't got one."

Duncan: "So how were you going to take her out?"

Fitz: "A small loan . . . "

Duncan: "What, from me . . . ?!"

Robert: "Gentleman . . . " He tosses Duncan a coin.

Duncan, dignified and aloof: "Thank you." He turns to Fitz. "Ready?" He tosses the coin, but as Fitz draws breath to call it he claps a hand over his mouth. Duncan looks at the coin as it lands, still holding his hand over Fitz's mouth, then calls it. "Heads." He slaps the coin on his arm. "Heads it is . . ." He bows to Gina, then hands his cloak to Fitz.

Duncan: "Here. Hold that."

Fitz lets it drop to the floor. Duncan glares, but is soon too busy engaging Robert. He and Robert begin to fight, and after a few blows Robert starts talking.

Robert: "Have we a quarrel I've forgotten about, sir?"

Duncan, pretending to consider: "Uhhhh." He attacks again.

Robert, returning the blows: "Tell me, just for my own curiosity, why are we fighting?"

Duncan: "Ask the lady. 'Tis she you've wronged."

Robert turns, completely abandoning the fight.

Robert: "But I've never had the pleasure of her company. I'm sure I would remember wronging so beautiful a lady."

Duncan, realizing he's been abandoned: "I beg your pardoipment of gold belonging to me."

ed me when you stole a shipment of gold belonging to me."

Duncan: "Hey, we're fighting here . . . "

Robert, still ignoring him: "I've been accused of many things, fair lady, but never, never theft from such a beautiful woman."

Duncan, tapping his shoulder: "Hey, let's get on with it. Come on."

Robert takes one last, longing look at Gina, then turns back to Duncan.

Gina: "Duncan! Perhaps there is no need for anyone to lose their head tonight. I'm sure the Baron is willing to be reasonable."

Robert, smiling: "In the face of such beauty, how could I be otherwise?"

Gina, still staring at him: "You flatter me, sir."

Duncan stalks to Fitzcairn: "Say something!"

Fitz: "You call that a fight."

Duncan: "Well, if it wasn't for the lady he'd be dead by now!"

Robert, blissfully, keeping his eyes locked on Gina: "Indeed, without her intervention, I would have been lost . . . forever."

Fitz: "Oh, please! Spare us!" He steps towards Robert. "You were lucky is was MacLeod you were fighting. Why, if it had been me, you'd be a foot shorter and an octave higher by now.

Robert: "If a wrong has been done, I shall right it." He looks at Gina and smiles, and she returns it. He steps forward and takes her hand. "Allow me the honor of making my peace over dinner." Gina takes his hand, still smiling, and they start to walk away, gazing into one another's eyes, much to Duncan and Fitz's dismay.

Fitz: "What about the opera?"

Gina turns to look at him: "Why don't you take Duncan?"

Duncan and Fitz look at each other in disgust.

Fitz: "I don't even like him . . . "

Duncan gives him the coin: "Here, take yourself to the opera."

As he collects his cloak, Robert and Gina depart, her hand on his arm.

Fitz: "I don't want to go on my own."

Duncan: "Well, I'm not going with you."

Fitz: "I'll come with you. To the German Ambassador's."

Duncan, leaving: "Oh, you're out of your mind."

Fitz trotting after: "I'll even eat the sauerkraut . . . "

Several Months Later Back to Top

[This is a cool cut, by the way. While Duncan and Fitz are walking out the door of the Chauteau, a cut-out of Fitz drops down in the middle of the scene, then the lake and snow-covered ground fall into place and build the scene.]

Fitz is standing by a bridge, singing to himself, doing a little dance step. He turns as he senses another immortal, and turns away in disgust when he sees it's only Duncan.

Duncan: "You know when I heard that voice, I said to myself, 'That must be Fitzcairn. Either that, or a dog in heat.'"

Fitz, annoyed: "What in God's name are you doing here."

Duncan, archly: "I could ask you the same thing. But . . ." He whips a note from his sleeve. "The Lady Angelina requested a rendezvous with me today." He holds the note to his nose, sniffing the scented paper.

Fitz walks toward him: "That's impossible. You must have mistaken the date. For you see, sir, today the lady requested a rendezvous with me." He holds up his note.

They look at the notes for a moment, then snatch each other's notes, and compare.

Duncan, reading aloud: "'A matter of great importance to discuss with you . . .'"

Fitz: "Same date. Same place."

Duncan: "Och, not again . . ." But Fitz laughs.

Fitz: "Oh, I see. Yes. Now I understand. Oh, yes, and if I'm right--and, as we both know, I am seldom wrong where women are concerned--she wants to be a bride."

Duncan, dismayed: "But I'm not ready for marriage."

Fitz: "Not you. It's me she wants, you daft Scot."

Duncan waves his note in Fitz's face: "You? Then why send me the letter, you daft English?"

Fitz: "Well, isn't it obvious?"

Duncan: "No."

Fitz: "She wants to break the bad news to you, with me here to protect her." Duncan laughs. "If you were more experienced, you'd understand these things."

They turn as Gina approaches.

Duncan: "Lady Angelina. So nice to see you."

He bows, and Fitz bows deeper, edging in front of him, and Duncan pushes him back, bowing even more deeply.

Duncan finally straightens up: "Lady Angelina, you look radiant today."

Fitz: "A summer flower in a winter's garden."

Gina hold out her hand, and they both rush to kiss it, kissing it at the same time in their eagerness while Gina smiles.

Gina: "My two favorite champions. I'm so glad you've come. I've reached a great decision in my life."

Duncan: "To marry?"

Gina pouts: "You guessed."

Duncan looks modest.

Fitz: "Well, actually, I guessed."

Duncan, smiling: "No, you didn't."

Fitz comes forward to take Gina's arm: "And I must say, my dear, you've made absolutely the right choice."

Duncan, not to be outdone, rushes to her other side.

Gina looks at them both in relief: "I--I'm so happy. I was afraid you wouldn't understand." They start walking. "I know it's unconventional, but you are both so special to me. I can't imagine doing it without either of you."

The men stop.

Fitz: "Both of us?"

Duncan, uncertain: "What exactly is it you want us to do?"

Gina: "Give me away."

Duncan and Fitz abandon her side at once, walking behind her to point at her, and mouth to each other, "Give her away?!"

Cut to the wedding. Fitz and Duncan are helping themselves to food from a table in the foyer.

Fitz: "You realize that none of this would have happened, if she'd come to the opera with me that night."

Duncan: "No, she would have seen you for the raving lunatic you are, and she would have been with me."

Fitz, taking some flowers from the arrangements: "I should have asked her to marry me, while I still had the chance."

Duncan scoffs: "You, married? You couldn't stay faithful to a woman for what, more than one hour?"

Fitz: "Well, I would have given it a fair try." He strolls over to where Duncan is pouring himself some wine. "Tell me, pray, why did you not ask her to marry you?"

Duncan, annoyed: "I don't know."

Fitz: "I'll tell you why. Because you knew with me still around you did not stand a chance."

They go into the reception room.

Duncan, in an undertone: "No, it's because of him that we didn't have a chance."

Fitz: "Oh, yes. Him. That pompous aristocrat."

They stare at where Gina is standing with Robert, talking with him and a small group of guests, smiling and happy.

Duncan sighs: "See the way she looks at him?"

Fitz: "Yes. I think I'm going to be sick."

They stare glumly.

Duncan: "Well, we'll just have to bear up and give them our best."

Fitz: "Him? The man who's taken the woman we love away? From me," he adds belatedly.

Duncan: "Well, look at her. She's happier than I've ever seen her." He sighs. "If we love her, we'll make sure she keeps her happiness."

Gina sees them, and waves them over.

Duncan mutters: "Come on." He starts forward, then stops as he realizes Fitz isn't following. He adds, through his teeth, "Come on. Smile."

Fitz pastes a fake smile on his face, and they walk to join the guests.

Present Day Back to Top

Duncan, still reminiscing on the barge: "So they got married. And as much as Fitz and I hated it, there was one thing we couldn't deny: The marriage was made in heaven . . . " He smiled to himself wistfully.

Cut to the Chateau, where Gina and Robert are having a huge argument.

Gina voiceover, yelling: "I distinctly said pink the linen. Pink, not white." Cut inside, Gina holding up the edge of the offending tablecloth. "Does this look pink? Does it?"

Robert smooths the cloth back in place, trying to be calm: "What's wrong with white? We had white last time."

Gina: "Exactly, I'm sick of white."

Robert, shouting now: "You said you wanted classic! I gave you classic! White is classic!"

Gina points accusingly: "You call this classic? I asked you for a string quartet, not a rock band. What were you think of?"

Robert, quieter: "I was trying to get it right."

Gina: "How? By not listening to me, Robert? Tell me, do you hear anything I say?"

Robert, shouting again: "Every damn word!"

Gina: "Then how come nothing ever changes!"

They turn as Duncan comes in, asking: "Did I come at a bad time?"

Gina strolls over: "Not at all, Duncan. You came at exactly the right time."

Robert, striding angrily after her: "What for, to see you behaving like a spoiled brat?"

Gina: "No. In time to help you clean up the mess." Saunters over to a vase sitting on a table.

Robert: "What mess?" Realizes what's she's about to do. "No, Gina, no. Not the Ming vase, not the Ming--"

She sends it crashing to the floor.

Gina: "What do you expect from a brat?"

She looks at the wreckage in satisfaction and leaves. Robert kneels to pick up the pieces.

Duncan: "So, how's it going?"

Robert mutters darkly, glaring after Gina: "I could kill her. I could just . . . kill her."

Act Two Back to Top

Robert and Duncan are walking through the courtyard of the chateau, talking.

Duncan: "So how long has this been going on?"

Robert: "Too long. This wedding is a nightmare. I hire a rock group she wants strings, I get a string quartet, she'll want rap. She's driving me crazy."

Duncan: "Oh, Robert, come on. Every marriage has its ups and downs. You have to expect that once in a while."

Robert: "Well, lately it's been all down. I'll be honest, Duncan, it hasn't been good for us since the 60s."

Duncan: "It'll pass."

Robert sighs: "Its not just the wedding. It's everything I say, everything I do. It's like living with a giant vulture who's just waiting for me to screw up so that she can tear my heart out." He stops, staring glumly at a snow-covered cart. "I never thought I'd say this, but, I think it's over between us. I think we're history."

Duncan: "Robert, you and her were meant for each other. No one ever loved you like she has. You know that."

Duncan walks up, leaving Robert to stare sadly at the snow, and then up at the sky.

Flashback, Chateau de Valicourt, 1796 Back to Top

Robert and Gina's 100th Anniversary

Duncan comes into the anteroom to find Fitz stuffing his pockets with cookies from the sideboard.

Duncan: "Helping yourself to a few cookies?"

Fitz turns, scattering cookies everywhere.

Fitz, defiantly: "Angelina requested a private audience with me."

Duncan: "She requested one with me."

Duncan: "I can't believe the marriage has lasted this long"

Fitz: "Neither did I. I would have given it a month, maybe two. The poor thing doesn't realize what she's missing."

Duncan: "Marriage is wasted on you, Fitzcairn."

Fitz: "Who's talking about marriage?"

Gina comes to ask if they've seen Robert, who went for the priest hours ago and hasn't returned "I can hardly get married without him."

Fitz, ducking under the arm Mac is trying to use to block him from Gina: "If I may, I would gladly stand in for the groom."

Duncan: "The line starts here."

Gina asks them to help her with her dress.

Fitz: "Is my lady speaking to me?"

Duncan: "She's talking to both of us. That's the best offer you've had this century."

(They actually get stuck in the doorway trying to get through at the same time. The oldest joke in the world, but it was still funny to watch! :)) While Gina gets ready, Duncan asks where they're going on their honeymoon, and Gina says they plan to go to the Indies. "Adventurous, no?"

Duncan: "Not as adventurous as Paris. It's a dangerous place to be an aristocrat. There's a revolution going on."

Gina says that she and Robert are among it's staunchest supporters, and that the house and the people in it are protected. Fitz assures her that nothing will happen with him to protect her--just before one of the servants arrives to tell them that Robert has been taken by revolutionaries, and is to be beheaded.

Duncan, sarcastic: "Nothing will happen."

He goes with the servant to get the horses, while Gina changes into men's clothes. In the courtyard, Duncan tells her she's "mad to come with us."

Fitz: "This could be very dangerous for you."

Gina: "Why do you think I'm going along?"

Duncan says that the revolutionaries might recognize her.

Gina: "Dressed like this? You're the ones who look like aristocrats now, not me."

They ride off to Paris.

In Paris, Robert is being carted to the guillotine, with the priest sitting next to him in the cart. He's unconscious, and while the guillotine is being readied for another victim the other three immortals arrive. Gina dismounts and approaches the cart, climbing up the back to throw the driver off his seat. With that as their cue, Duncan and Fitz ride into the square, waving their swords and shouting "Death to the revolution!" While the crowd goes after them, Gina drives the cart to safety. When she's away, Duncan and Fitz follow. When Robert revives, the priest tells him that they're safe, that "this young boy is a real hero." Robert stands to face her, and while the priest gasps in shock, kisses her.

Robert: "This young lad is my wife." Kisses her again (heart-shaped cut to next scene...)

Present Day Back to Top

Robert is complaining that it's all Gina's fault.

Robert: "She's bossy, she's opinionated. She never listens."

Duncan: "Sounds like the woman we all fell in love with. Robert, it's been 300 years, you have to expect the ride to be bumpy once in a while, you know that."

Robert, giving in: "Oh, you're right. I'm such an idiot."

Duncan: "That's the spirit."

Robert: "She is the only woman for me, and we were meant for one another. I'll make it up to her, and this'll all pass."

Gina approaches just then, and Duncan says, "Here's your chance." Robert goes to her, saying that he's sorry, that she can have the pink linen, the string quartet, "whatever it takes to makes you happy, my love."

Gina: "It's not the music, Robert, or the linen. The wedding's not the problem."

Robert: "What then? Name it, my love, and it's yours."

Gina: "What I want is a divorce."

She leaves, and Robert turns to Duncan in shock. They start pacing, thinking and plotting...

Act Three Back to Top

Robert is panicked: "She's really leaving."

Duncan: "Is there any chance she'll change her mind?"

Robert, numbly: "She divided up the record collection."

Duncan: "The vinyl?!"

Robert nods.

Duncan: "Hoo! She's leaving!"

Robert is desperate, saying he's tried everything. "Maybe if I bought her something special."

Duncan: "I don't think that's the answer."

Robert: "There's a new Ferrari coming out..."

But Duncan says no. "You could buy her every single car in Italy and still it wouldn't change her mind. Whatever she wants, she doesn't want things."

Robert: "She trusts you more than anyone else. You could talk to her."

Duncan: "What? And say what? 'Please, Gina, give Robert another chance?'"

Robert: "Oh, you could think up something better than that, I know you could. Please."

Cut to Duncan and Gina.

Duncan: "Gina, give Robert another chance..."

Gina: "He's had a thousand chances, Duncan. I gave that man the best centuries of my life."

Duncan: "Then don't throw them away."

But Gina says that maybe they weren't meant to spend three centuries together. "Who mates for life? Swans? Geese? A lobster?" [Do lobsters mate for life? Did I hear this right?!--Jinjifore]

Duncan: "Robert and you were meant to, you know that."

Gina remembers the old days, when it was just "you, me, and Fitz." But she goes on to say that "now Fitz is dead, and the old days are gone. Now it's all habit, like putting on an old pair of shoes. We're both to start new lives. It's time, Duncan. All things come to an end." She kisses his cheek and is driven away.

Duncan goes back to Robert, and tells him he tried.

Robert: "What am I going to do?"

Duncan: "Maybe you were right, maybe it's time to move on."

Robert: "I wasn't right, she loves me."

Duncan tells him to give it time, but Robert is still distressed. He says they've been together so long, he doesn't know "how to be anyone except part of us. What if something happened to her and I lost her forever. I'd go crazy, I couldn't cope."

Duncan, looking thoughtful: "What if something happened to you..."

Robert, shaking his head: "It'd kill her, but what's going to happen to me?" Turns as it hits him. "You are one clever s.o.b. That's brilliant, you're a genius! You challenge me, I let you win, Gina rushes to my rescue, saves me, and loves me forever."

Duncan shakes his head: "No, she would never believe that we would fight to the death."

Robert: "Then it's hopeless."

Duncan: "Maybe not..."

Cut to barge, Methos is saying, "It's finally happened. You've lost your mind."

Duncan, pouring him tea while he lounges on the sofa: "Well, come on, Methos, you'll be doing them an incredible favor."

Methos: "Read my lips. N. O."

Duncan: "OK. You'd be doing me a favor. Milk?"

Methos: "Oh, now that's not fair, you're making it personal now. You think that I'll feel guilty when I say no?"

Duncan: "Sugar?"

Methos, pleasantly: "You're wasting your time. I haven't felt guilt since the 11th century. I don't even know these people!"

Duncan: "Yeah, well that's why I'm asking you. All you have to do is act a little."

Methos: "Do I look like an actor?"

Duncan: "Well, you've been with the Watchers for years and no one's ever suspected you." Offers him a plate of cookies. "Don't you want to see Gina and Robert live happily ever after?" Bats his lashes at him (no, honest! :)).

Methos, unmoved: "Yeah. But I want to see me live happily ever after even more."

Duncan: "Oh, come on, Methos, they won't even know who you are. You'll just be this Mysterious Immortal who's coming after Robert's head." Methos is shaking his head, not believing it.

Duncan: "Robert and Gina's marriage is in your hands."

Methos: "You're not listening to me. I don't give a damn about their marriage."

Duncan: "Well I do!"

Methos: "Is it really that important to you?"

Duncan: "Yes, it's that important to me" Bops him on the head.

Methos shakes his head, then sits down, a calculating look on his face.

Methos: "Okay. I do this for you...And you give me the barge."

Duncan laughs: "Right, like you're serious."

Methos: "Yeah, I'm serious. Hey, I need a place to live. That's the deal, take it or leave it."

Duncan looks taken aback, but shrugs: "Fine. If that's what it takes."

Methos: "That's what it takes."

Duncan: "Fine."

Methos: "Good."

Duncan: "Good."

Methos: "Right."

Duncan, threatening: "You'd better make it look good."

Methos, grinning: "Like you say, darling, I'm an *act-or*."

Duncan: "Oh, good."

Duncan gets Gina and drives her to where the fight's been set up, telling her that he's not sure who this immortal is that's challenged Robert. He tells her that he thinks he's "one of the those young ones that kills for sport." He gives her the impression that this young one is good, and says that Robert just didn't seem to have the old fire, as if he had "nothing to live for."

Cut to Robert and Methos warming up, chatting while Robert practices his moves and Methos pulls on his gloves.

Robert: "I must have sailed with half the pirates in the Caribbean. I kinda miss those old ships."

Methos: "Not me. I hate the sea."

Robert: "Oh? Why is that?"

Methos: "Crossed the Atlantic to Iceland with a bunch of Irish monks, 765. Six of us in a rowboat, no facilities."

Robert: "Ooh..."

They sense Gina and Duncan approach, and look at each other: "Showtime."

They start hitting their blades together for sound effect as Gina and Duncan pull up, and by the time they get out they're at it full force. At first, all goes exactly as planned. Robert and Methos make the fight look good.

Methos, hissing as they close up: "It goes hip, head, hip, thrust, jump back."

Robert: "Yes, of course. Sorry."

Duncan keeps Gina from interfering. Once they've decided the fight looks good enough, Robert and Methos end it as planned--more or less:

Robert: "That should do it. Give me a jab, not too deep."

Methos: "Wuss. Where's your sense of drama?"

Stabs Robert hard and Robert gives him this faintly hurt, accusing look as he sinks down.

Mehtos looks repentant: "Sorry," he mouths, and pulls the blade out, raising his sword over Robert's head as he crumples.

On cue, Duncan lets Gina go, and she rushes out to confront Methos. He backs off, but then it all starts to fall apart. Instead of fighting Methos, Gina goes to Robert as he calls for her, ignoring the man she's supposed to fight. Duncan, seeing the plan distentigrating, hustles up to Methos and shooes him off. (The dialogue is all whispered here, but I think this is what Methos says.)

Methos: "What was that all about?! You were supposed to give it away! She's going to kill me!"

Duncan gets him to go, and returns to where Gina and Robert are cooing together. Gina is crying, apologizing, saying she didn't mean what she said, "I'll never leave you, Robert, never."

Robert: "Oh, Gina..."

They kiss and Duncan, watching, smiles in satisfaction. He strides up and announces that "he's gone. Gina scared him off. I don't think we'll see him again." He and Robert exchange winks, but Gina looks up with murder in her eye.

Gina: "I do. I'm going to find that bastard and take his head, if it's the last thing I do."

She kisses Robert again, and Duncan glances over to where Methos left, looking guilty.

Act Four Back to Top

Duncan and Methos at the barge.

Methos is furious: "I knew it! Getting between a married couple. It's a rule I haven't broken for 2,000 years. I knew this would happen."

Duncan says that Gina will cool off, that "I'm just telling you to be careful."

Methos: "Great. So I lose my head after 5,000 years, so that you can play marriage guidance counselor. I must have been out of my mind!"

Duncan tries to soothe him by saying the marriage is only two days away, and after that they'll be gone on the honeymoon for ten years, "she'll forget all about this."

Methos: "Stake your life on that, would you?"

Duncan, not very convincingly: "Yeah."

Methos, holding out his hand: "Okay. Give me the keys."

Duncan: "What keys?"

Methos: "The keys to the barge."

Duncan laughs: "You weren't serious. You were testing me."

Methos: "No, if I'm gonna die, you're going to pay me for it. Give me the keys."

Duncan: "I can't give you the barge! I just re-decorated it!"

Methos: "Nice job. Give me the keys."

Duncan throws them to him: "With friends like you, who needs enemies."

Methos: "I was just thinking the same thing."

Duncan starts to sit down, but Methos stops him, saying "Hey, off."

Duncan: "What, this is my chair."

Methos pushes him off: "My chair now." Sits down and thumps his feet on the desk.

Duncan sputtering: "You..."

Methos: "You know where the door is."

Duncan gathers up some papers and stalks out.

Methos, grinning nastily: "Have a nice day!"

Duncan goes to Robert, who tells him it all worked out beautifully.

Robert: "You saved my marriage, Duncan. I don't know how I'm going to thank you enough. You and your friend Pierson. He didn't have to try quite so hard, though."

Duncan: "Yeah, but it worked."

Robert: "Ah, Mac, you should have seen her. She was an animal. It turned her on so much that night she, uh,... We may have to try this again sometime."

Duncan: "Forget it."

Asks where Gina is, and Robert finally admits that "we had another little argument."

Duncan: "Ah, not again. What now?"

Robert: "Well, I wanted you to be my best man, and she wanted you to give her away."

Duncan: "Tell her, either way is fine with me."

Robert: "Well, you can tell her yourself. Once she gets back from your place."

Duncan chokes on his wine: "My place?!" Grabs Robert's arm. "Come on!"

Back at the barge, Methos is browsing through Duncan's CD collection: "Opera, opera, opera, opera... Got a lot of opera here. I'm going to have to do something about this music, there's no Springsteen, no Queen..."

He senses another immortal, and turns to find Gina standing there with her sword.

Gina: "You!"

Methos, edging sideways: "I can explain. It was a joke."

Gina: "I'm not laughing."

Methos gets to where his sword is, resting on the sofa between him and Gina. He smiles weakly.

Methos: "This has all just been a big mistake."

Gina: "Huge. And you made it when you tried to kill my husband."

Methos, muttering: "I knew this would happen."

He dives for his sword, and Gina brings her blade down over his head...

Robert and Duncan pull up, tires squealing, and get out.

Robert: "This is a mess. Would he hurt her?"

Duncan: "Would she go for his head?"

Robert: "Yes, she would."

Duncan: "This is a mess..."

As they rush to the barge, Gina walks out.

Gina: "It's over. The son-of-a-bitch is dead."

Duncan: "You took his head?!"

Gina: "He tried for Robert, tried to kill the man I love."

Duncan: "It was all an act, tell her--"

He stops as he senses another immortal, and Methos pops up from below.

Duncan: "Not funny!"

Methos: "Oh, I don't know, pretty funny from here..."

Methos backs up as Duncan stalks after him, telling him maybe he ought to take his head, but Gina calms him down, saying, "What's the matter, Duncan, can't you take a joke?"

Duncan: "Fitz would have found it funny..."

Gina begs him to give her away, and he agrees, tossing her at Robert, saying, "Go on, take her for God's sake."

Tag Back to Top

Duncan is unpacking a crated vase in the barge, making a point of scattering the straw as much as possible. Meanwhile, Methos is prowling through his linen, muttering "These sheets are disgusting!" wadding them up and tossing them all over the bedroom.

Methos: "Hey! Enough with the mess, I have to live here."

Duncan (not sounding it): "Oh, I'm sorry." He holds up the vase. "My wedding present to them. Only one of six left in the world."

Methos: "When I was living in China, way back when, those things were a dime a dozen. If only I'd known then what I know now."

Duncan: "Pity. So, what are you going to get them, a toaster?"

Methos says no, he was thinking of something more unique.

Duncan: "Yeah? Like what?"

Methos: "My boat."

Duncan: "The barge? You can't give them the barge!"

Methos: "Why not? It's my boat, and I do what I like with it."

Duncan: "Fine,"

He starts strewing straw with even more vigor.

Methos, watching him, continues: "But then I figured that probably everyone would give them something unique, so I went with a toaster," he concludes, throwing the barge keys to Duncan just as he's shaking the last of the straw out of the vase. It crashes to the floor, and as Duncan is standing there, staring at the pieces in shock, Methos strolls past him, pausing to say, "You keep the barge. I hate the water." He leaves, saying over his shoulder, "You've got a mess there, better clean it up," and tosses Duncan a broom on his way out, leaving him standing there staring at the mess, holding the broom.

Next: "Judgment Day".


These pages are written by Jinjifore and are translated into HTML and maintained by Ian.

Disclaimer: All the dialogue, characters, situations, and darn near everything else belong to a bunch of fine and talented folks at Rysher Entertainment and Panzer/Davis, and in particular the dialogue belongs to the credited writer of this episode. Me, I just wrote the rest down in my own words, which belong to me, but the episode itself was made by the aforementioned people and is owned by them. This humble synopsis isn't meant to infringe on their rights, and I'm sure as heck not making any money from doing these.

Everything not belonging to Rysher, et al, ©Copyright 1997 by Jinjifore

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Last Rev: H71 [ 1 Jul 97 ]